Not Good Enough

I've been spending most of my days lately thinking that I'm not good enough. 

I'm not good enough on doing my job. I'm trying every single days to love what I do. I don't hate the job, it is just not my thing. The only thing I know about this job is that we're making some money. No job, no money. No money, no living. While I'm not hating the job, I'm also feeling guilty not doing what I supposed to do. But, what actually that I supposed to do?

I'm not good enough as a wife. Andreas still wakes me up in the morning, while some of wives out there might get up first and prepare all things in the morning. I often get lost in the kitchen. Sometimes I don't know what to cook, and worry too much if my hubby gets bored with his daily scrambles/sunny-side-up for breakfast, just because that the only dish I can cook the best and he loves it... and he actually never complains. Sometimes I feel I can't manage our financial well. There's a time I'm easily spending our money but the other time I afraid we're spending too much. Why do we spend the money for a fancy meal? Don't we have to save more for a house? For the baby? For the investment?

And right now, I'm feeling that I will probably not good enough as a mom. I know this is silly, the baby still on the way. But some part of me, it seems so scary already. As another part of me thinking that "I'm not good enough as a wife", how could it possible for me to be a good mom. 

 

After you done reading this, you might find this is only crappy post written by someone who is dealing with both her identity-crisis and being pregnant.

Or perhaps this is just a thing called, pregnancy brain?